Departe de tot...

He died peacefully...he died looking at me; looking at me from his small window while I was too scared to simply watch him go.He keept looking at me while I was moving around in despair,crying my inability to help him in any way.While he was dying I was tossing around in weakness,in front of him,not being able to simply accept the most common fact in the world-death...his death...

He died peacefully looking at me,somehow trying to calm me down,telling me in his last glance that he is ok with it and so I should be...

I never-NEVER-was able to accept that there are things we cant change and while he was dying I was too busy with my remorse...not being enough with him,not loving him the way he deserved to,not playing enough,not making him happy everyday of his short, cruel life...

Then I saw his eyes were missing something...that sparkle he used to have was gone...to nowhere.And I just did what I knew best:broke down and cried...and touched him praying he still feels me,that he has no pain,that I wont make the same mistakes again. Cried,knowing so well that crying can never change a thing anyway...His eyes will always hunt me in my dreams, looking at me from his small window,peaceful or unable to fight anymore.This I`ll never know,but one thing is for sure...even if he left peacefully I`ll never find my own peace...and I`ll always fight for lost causes,even if it will break my heart everytime,even if my soul will hurt, cause I still cant give up,I`m still unable to accept that things cant change...Or maybe im not able to learn a lesson well.

Ploua...pe strazile pustii si in sufletul meu si mai pustiu.Mirosul de ploaie e parca mirosul despartirii, ultimul lucru care imi va aminti de tine...cand am plecat ploua,afara si in mine.Te-as fi urmat in ploaie,te-as fi urmat oriunde,dar nu pe mine ma vrei. Fara sa te cunosc...simt ce ai fi putut insemna pentru mine si ma sperie.Ma sperie si mai mult gandul ca,plecand,candva am sa te uit...poate intr-o noapte nu o sa te mai visez,si poate dimineata nu o sa-mi mai lipsesti....cum sa renunt asa usor cand simt ca esti pentru mine,cand stiu ca sunt pentru tine?Cum sa te fac sa vezi????Cum sa te fac sa simti cand tu te inchizi in castelul tau de gheata si te minti ca asa e mai bine?Cum sa te uit?CUM???

Mi-e dor si doare...

Ma doare ca voi pleca,ma doare ca vei ramane...ma doare nepasarea ta,ma doare obsesia mea,ma doare lipsa ta,ma doare naivitatea mea...,vocea ta din visul meu,secundele cand te zaresc neasteptat,un zambet nesperat,ma doare un salut din mers...ma doare cand ma ignori si mai intens...atat de aproape si totusi o lume intreaga intre noi....sau poate doar noi impotriva noastra.